Less Mothering, More Gardening

When we said good-bye to Nick in Ann Arbor last August, my husband cried but not me. I was so excited for my son to start school at  Michigan, my alma mater (BBA '84, baby!) We'd just moved him into South Quad - my old dorm - and I felt like I was bringing him someplace familiar and wonderful, not sending him away. Besides, he'd be back for vacations and the whole summer.

Or so I thought. Because Nick hasn't been home much at all this year, and this summer he's staying at school.

Nick's swims for the #1 ranked Michigan Men's Swimming & Diving team, and I couldn't be prouder. But swimmers train year-round, and most of Michigan's swimmers stay in Ann Arbor to practice and compete as part of their club team over the summer.

When I realized this was going down in January, the tears came full force. "I didn't know I was sending him off for good!" I wailed to Liam. "I did," he said quietly. Then followed a long, cold, quiet winter punctuated by my daughter Emma turning 16 and getting her driver's license. As I handed over the car keys, I had to face facts - nobody in my house needed much mothering anymore. I felt adrift.

Last fall we'd given our unused trampoline away, and the sad patch of dirt out by our garage was just another reminder of my impending empty nest. But as spring slowly crept into the North Shore, an idea began to sprout. I would fill that barren, forlorn space with life!  I would plant a vegetable garden!

I proudly shared my idea with my husband and kids.

"I don't really see you as the gardening type," said Nick, skeptically, over the phone.

"Well I'm going to be," I huffed. "You aren't coming home; Emma barely needs me. I need something to take care of around here!"

"Good idea, that will keep you busy" chirped Emma, then skipped off to her room to pursue her own personal hobby of throwing clothes on the floor.

Liam merely raised a dark Irish eyebrow at me and went back to polishing his bike.

It's true, I'm not really the gardening type. We have a beautiful yard, but it's all due to our dear friend and landscape architect, Jim O'Brien (check out his website, you will drool over his work.) There was no way I was getting into this gardening thing without his help. So O'Brien & Co did all the heavy lifting by transforming the trampoline patch into a beautiful plot of raised gardening beds. All I had to do was plant them!

After consulting with Jim and Liam, we decided that I would actually plant just two of the beds and O'Brien would plant the ones closest to the house. That way, there'd be a beautiful, flourishing display facing the yard, disguising the beds that I would experiment with.

Last week I eagerly tackled my beds. I decided to devote one to herbs and the other to vegetables. I bought herb plants - basil, thyme, tarragon, mint, rosemary and oregano, and planted rows of chives and parsley seeds. In the other bed I planted only seeds - carrots, beets, radishes, lettuce, and beans. I was amazed to discover that planting seeds takes about two seconds. Seriously, it's the easiest thing in the world - go stick some seeds in the ground right now! (Yes, I do realize that having professionally prepared beds teeming with richly fertilized and irrigated soil does ease the process a bit.)

It's only been a week and nothing has sprouted yet, but already my garden is deeply satisfying. As Emma squeals off in my car to the mall or soccer practice, I serenely wave to her from my garden as I spray a gentle mist of water lovingly over my beds. Those seeds need me! I just hope I can tell the difference between my emerging crop and the weeds.

Here are some pictures of the transformation. With any luck I'll be bringing you tomatoes in  a month or two.

The unused trampoline. No little kids here anymore.

The beginning of the transformation.

O'Brien's crew does all the heavy lifting.

My two beds face the alley ( in case they don't turn out so good.)

The finished project and my new baby.

Sports Make Girls and Women Winners

Tomorrow my North Shore Racquet Club tennis team will play in the finals of our 4.5 Green league, and the excitement and pressure of the upcoming match has me thinking of how much I love competitive sports, which I only discovered in my forties. This post was originally published on my blog for True/Slant, but it remains as fresh and true for me as it did three years ago. Wish me luck!

Sports benefit girls of all ages

Image by Getty Images via Daylife

I’d have a lot more time to write if I didn’t play so much tennis. I  play 3 times a week and I’d play more if I could. I love it!  If you think that means I’m some vapid, country club housewife you can kiss my racquet.

Oops, that was kind of aggressive of me.

The reason I have the confidence to state my opinion so definitively is that I’m fresh off the court and my partner and I blew away our opponents, helping our team move into 1st place. Man, am I pumped for the playoffs!

Competitiveness is something I discovered late in life. My high school athletic career consisted of cheerleading and a few step-kicks in the chorus of Mame. I didn’t experience the fun and fulfillment of being on a sports team until I turned 40 and took up tennis.

Now I see how much I missed. As the Women’s Sports Foundation reports, participating in sports delivers lifelong benefits to girls and women. Here are just a few:

• Girls who play sports get better grades and are less likely to get pregnant than girls that don’t.
• Girls and women who play sports are more confident, have higher self esteem ,and are less likely to suffer from depression.
• Females of all ages who play sports have a more positive body image than women who don’t. (They value their bodies for what they can do, not only how they look.)
• Sports and exercise reduce the risk of breast cancer, osteoporosis and other diseases.

Not only does playing sports keep girls and women healthier and happier, it prepares them to understand the dynamics of the workplace, which are often based on sports team models. Young women need to understand the unwritten rules of how to handle pressure, not take things personally, support the overall goal, and project confidence. They also need to accept that promotions and responsibilities will be awarded based on people’s strengths and competencies; girls often judge one another on who is nicest or most likable.

So you see, my tennis is not just some frivolous pastime – it’s a good career move. Kudos to Vice President Joe Biden and the Obama administration for announcing changes in policies to strengthen Title IX earlier this week. Since the law, which requires gender equity in federally funded educational programs, passed in 1972, the number of women participating in college sports has grown from 32,000 to 150,000.

In just one generation, Title IX’s impact has been huge. Girls today grow up playing all kinds of sports that didn’t exist when I was in school – soccer, hockey, water polo, lacrosse.  Girls expect to be on the playing field, not cheering for the boys from the sidelines. In fact, there isn’t even a cheerleading squad at our local high school, New Trier. There’s just not enough interest.

Cool Find! Drinking is a Ball with These Ice Molds

Hey, look what I found at the new Sur la Table store that opened up at my local mall - these groovy spherical ice molds that make gigantic round ice cubes. How fun are these for summer cocktails?

You simply fill the plastic molds up with water and add any garnish you think would be tasty or pretty. I tried lime and blueberries, because that's what I had in the house. But think mint for mojitos, olives for martinis, or lemons for lemonade.

Then you gently place the rubber top on the mold and place it in your freezer for  four hours. The water level looks too low at first, but never fear - water expands as it freezes. You end up with a big round festive ball of ice that will keep your drink cool on the  most sizzling of days and looks lovely too.

At just $10.95 for a set of two, I think these Tovolo sphere ice molds are super fun and kind of crafty as well. Bring on summer and bring on the cocktails!

I was not compensated in any way to endorse this product. I just stumbled upon it and had to share! If you invite me over, you may get these as your hostess gift.

Is Staying Hip and Young on Social Media Worth it?

I read an interesting article in the New York Observer by Peter Hyman, a 45 year-old Gen-Xer, who mourns the lack of differentiation between generations these days. He writes,

"The old generational identities that once defined us have broken down, and the net result is a messy temporal mashup in which 40-somethings act like skateboarders, 20-somethings dress like the grandfather from My Three Sons, tweens attend rock concerts with their parents and toddlers are exposed to the ethos of hardcore punk."

The internet has made the hippest, most rad trends accessible to anyone with a computer or smart phone - regardless of age - who's willing to do the work to keep up. But doing that work, says Hyman, is exhausting. I totally agree.

Last weekend I attended then ASJA  (American Society of Journalists and Authors) conference in New York City, and the message was clear: you must have a significant online presence and use social media strategically and consistently to be taken seriously as a writer.

In addition to maintaining and promoting your blog, website and youtube channel, you have to have a killer Linkedin profile, a thousand Facebook friends, tweet generously with style and substance,  collect pictures and videos on your phone for instantly uploadable original content, show your creative point of view on Pinterest, and express your your sense of humor on Vine and Instagram.

You need to stay on top of all these sites and more to stay current in fashion, gaming, music, politics, parenting, health and national security. You also need to prove you have a "platform" (i.e. built in audience) to show you are serious and respected in your field so you can get work. Anyone who is anybody is doing this - even Michelle Obama (@FLOTUS) tweets! Of course, she's younger than me.

This week I've made a special effort to embrace social media. I've blogged and tweeted and Facebooked, but that's about all I've got in me. I'm not creating the clever little Vine videos my 19 year-old son Nick is so adept at. My daughter Emma, 16,  begged me not to get an Instagram account and I think she's right. I'm gonna leave those outlets of expression to my kids for now. There's got to be some generational differentiation in my home.

Besides, at some point all this time on the internet is not furthering my interests. It's just a lot of trivial communication and too much time sitting around on my aging ass. It's a gorgeous day! I've got a dog to walk and a garden to plant. Is staying hip and young on social media worth it? I know there is some value, so I'll keep at it. But for now, enough is enough. I'm signing off and getting out there to the real world to enjoy my day!

My computer screen can't compare to this today!

Feel Better About Your Body in 5 Minutes

Stand up straight, gorgeous!

We talked a lot about body image at my last Sex & the Suburbs show at the Wilmette Theatre. Often women allow feeling badly about their bodies - too jiggly, too old, too flawed - to prevent them from enjoying sex and all kinds of physical pleasure. Well, screw that! Here are three things you can do in the next five minutes to feel better about your body, just the way it is.

1. Move to Music.
One of the most fun things to do with your body is to dance it! It's a physical celebration of being alive and there's no way you can feel bad when you're grooving. Put on your favorite song and shake, shimmy, stretch and bend for three minutes. I'm loving this Bruno Mars tune. Hit play and get your dance on.

Bruno Mars - Locked Out Of Heaven - www.SongsLover.pk

Powered by mp3skull.com

2. Stand up Straight
Stop slumping over your keyboard or smart phone (caught you, didn't I?). Throw back your shoulders, suck in your tummy, and lift your chin. Not only does this move immediately make you feel stronger and more confident, it makes you look five pounds thinner, as my personal trainer friend Sharon Davis demonstrates in seconds, below. It's quite a transformation.



3. Talk Yourself Up
Put a halt to the undermining negative self-talk with this one-minute exercise. With your new perfect posture, saunter over to the mirror, look your reflection in the eye, and give yourself an extravagant compliment. Make it something you'd love to hear about your appearance. Something like this:

• You're the most gorgeous, luscious babe on the face of the earth.
• You are strong, you are beautiful, you are freaking awesome!
• Damn, you are one sexy, hot, ripe-peach mama!
• You are looking perfectly, radiantly, deliciously you.

Say it three times to yourself, loud and proud. Feels good right? Words have power and using positive affirmations like these creates a forcefield against all the negativity we are bombarded with each day. 

Okay, the five minutes are up! Now go forth and conquer with your brilliant brain, your bodacious bod, and your courageous heart. The world needs women who feel good about themselves and are willing to play big.

Want more feel-good suggestions? Read my column  - How to Feel Your Most Sexy Self.

Toil-ettiquette: Keep it Clean

Ladies, I’ve spent three days on the road and after visiting countless public restrooms in airports, hotels, and restaurants, I consider it my civic duty to entreat you:

Please leave the toilet seat cleaner than you found it!

I’ve followed elegant women into bathroom stalls only to be horrified by the state of the seat. If you choose not to sit on it, fine, proceed with your hygienic hover-squat. But that doesn’t mean it’s okay to pee all over the seat and leave it in a disgusting drippy state for the next visitor - even if you found it a bit damp to begin with. Let's break the cycle.

If we all commit to leaving a clean seat, imagine how much more pleasant our lives will be. I, for one, am urine-ing for the day. 

NYC Style This Weekend: What They Wore, What's in Stores

Here’s what the cool chicks were wearing in New York City this beautiful April weekend:

Shrunken trench coats. I packed a lightweight trench, but mine was knee-length, which seemed hopelessly out of style and voluminous compared to the cute short belted trenches I saw on girls and women all over Midtown. A practical layer for the changeable weather.

image from Burberry.com

These are $125 at J. Crew

Dark, skinny, cropped jeans – Manhattan women of all ages are enviably slim, and these dark body-hugging jeans looked very flattering on their tiny thighs, but I’d say this look is not for everyone. However, the length was fresh and modern – just grazing the anklebone in a kind of sweetly sexy way.

Corso Como flat $59, Nordstrom

Ballet flats – forget stilettos, New Yorkers walk. The footwear of choice was chic but practical ballet flats without too much adornment. (Sorry Tory Burch.)

And here’s what I saw in stores:

Bright Sorbet Colors and Florals

I only had a few hours to shop, but the displays in stores were dazzling. I spotted only a few women actually wearing these eye-popping hues and garden inspired fabrics, but they were everywhere in stores.

From Bloomingdales, who had a big 30% off sale this weekend…

Ted Baker display at Bloomindales.

…to the very cool and cheap Joe Fresh and Uniqlo  – my daughter Emma would love these stores! 

Lollipop color at Joe Fresh

Trend combo: ballet flats + color at Joe Fresh

Uniqlo NYC

If you’ve had a hankering to wear pink and turquoise and mix it up with some crazy poppy print, this is the season for you. I’ve never seen such girly frippery. After a long gray Chicago winter, it makes me happy.

That said, I didn’t buy anything candy-colored or flowery. But I did pick up this Red Haute floaty zebra patterned blouse at Bloomingdale’s for 30% off, which I intend to wear over a silky, comfy black tank I picked up at Uniqlo for 12 bucks. I think it would look great with the ballet flats and dark jeans don’t you?

I look just like this.
Pic from bloomingdales.com

I’d love to know, what are you looking forward to wearing this spring?

For Great Sex: Deal with Differences in Desire

My most recent Sex & the Suburbs column for MakeitBetter.net discusses how men and women can deal with the differences in their desire. Men and women get turned on very differently, which can often lead to hurt feelings, misunderstandings and resentments, even though it's no one's fault - it's just biology, damn it!

"When men and women understand how differently they become aroused, they can make changes to accommodate each other so they both enjoy sex more. Here are some empowering strategies to negotiate the differences in desire in your relationship."

Based on an enlightening conversation with sex therapist Emily Harrell, my column provides advice so that both partners can feel fulfilled. The first tip? Stop treating sex as a yes or no proposition. Instead, make time to fool around (cuddle, make out, massage) without a specific goal in mind. It takes the pressure off and opens doors to greater exploration and arousal.When both partners are relaxed and intimate, who knows what might develop?

Image courtesy of
MakeitBetter.net

Read the rest of the tips at over at Make it Better and enjoy!

10 Weight Loss Tips that Work for Me

I'm fascinated by what people eat and how people manage their weight, aren't you? I've learned that almost no one is naturally thin. I'm certainly not, but turning 50 along with major hormonal changes was a wake up call, so I've changed my habits and am slowly losing weight. Yesterday, I detailed my simple, 5-step, slow-but-sure, weight loss plan.  As a refresher, the basic structure is:

• Keep a food journal and record the calories of the foods you eat.
• Set a reasonable reduced daily calorie goal and stick to it.
• Eat all the fruits and veggies you want - they're free!
• Record your weight weekly.
• Take one day off a week and enjoy yourself.

Restaurants like Noodles & Co let you
make informed decisions. 

Simple right? Here are a few tips to staying the course that have worked for me.

1. Be consistent and accurate with the food journal. I know if I'm not writing it down, I'm eating too much.
2. Have a plan for your day so you don't have to keep thinking about it. With my 1400 calorie goal (yours might be different) I shoot for a 300 calorie breakfast, a 400 calorie lunch, and a 400 calorie dinner - which leaves me with 300 calories for a snack and a glass of wine. 
3. It's okay to feel hungry. I was actually afraid to feel hunger, but we shouldn't always feel stuffed or even satisfied. Feeling a little bit empty means you're eating less, and that means the plan is working. 
4. Postpone gratification. If you feel uncomfortable between meals, try this. Have a cup of tea or a glass of sparkling water with lemon. Ravenous? Eat a piece of fruit or some raw veggies.  Still hungry? Pop a breath mint or some gum or brush your teeth. Now you're hydrated, healthy, have fresh breath, and closer to mealtime!
5. Satisfy cravings with a little bit of something delicious. You can eat any food you want when you pay attention to portion sizes. If you're obsessing about chocolate, two Hershey Special Dark Chocolate Kisses are just 42 calories. 
6. When dining out, head to places like Panera or Noodles & Co which have calories posted on their menu. Or check out a restaurant's nutrition info online in advance. 
7. When in doubt, order soup. It's almost always the lowest calorie option. 
8. Go to bed early. Sleep is a huge component of weight loss. Instead of hanging out in front of the TV or computer, head upstairs and take a bath, read a book, wash your face. You'll feel beautiful and rested and avoid all those late night calories.
9. When I goof up or lose focus, I don't feel guilty or beat myself up. I'm a grown woman, doing this for me, and it's not a competition. I just pull out my pencil and food journal and start the next day fresh. 
10. Don't expect miraculous results. This is not a crash diet or a cleanse (both of which sound horrid.) It's a longterm plan to drop up to a pound a week without suffering - and hopefully, for good!

Would love to hear what works for you!

My Turning 50 Weight Loss Plan - Slow but Sure

No suffering here, and lots of freebies.

Motivated by turning 50 and my ever-expanding Jigglypuff (belly fat),  I've changed my eating habits over the last twelve weeks. And, ta-dah! I've officially lost 6.5 pounds.

This isn't exactly miraculous progress - about a half pound a week - but when you consider I cheat big-time every weekend and had a very decadent week in Florida for Spring Break, it's not all bad.  I'm not at my goal weight yet, but I'll get there, slowly but surely. Because my self-devised plan works.

And now, I'll share it with you, in five easy steps.

1.  Keep a food journal and track calories for a few days to see what you're actually eating. Be honest - account for everything you eat. The journal can be as simple as a notebook or a piece of paper. There are a lot of fancy apps out there, but I think the simpler the better. Read the package's nutrition info or use google to determine the calorie content of your foods.
2. Set a daily calorie goal that's about 500-700 calories less than what you normally consume, but don't go under 1200 calories or you'll feel deprived and turn into a cranky, ravenous bitch. There are no food restrictions, the only requirement is that you honestly keep track of the calories. You'll soon find out which foods are worth their calories to you. My daily goal is 1400, and I can be quite satisfied with that, especially because.....
3. Fruits and Vegetables are free! Eat as many as you like. This doesn't include starchy veggies like potatoes and corn, and you do need to count whatever you add to them, but otherwise go for it. I borrowed this rule from Weight Watchers, and it's a comfort to know you can always eat something.
4.  Record your weekly progress. I weigh myself almost every day - it keeps me honest - but Saturday is my official weigh-in day. Don't get freaked out if your progress is slow, just keep it up. If you stall out for a few weeks, you may need to do some tweaking, but in the meantime, have faith.
5. Take one day a week off, relax and enjoy your food guilt-free. For me, that's Saturday, after my weigh in. Knowing this splurge day is coming helps me make good choices during the week. And I hate to be too rigid about things.

That's it. I exercise when I can, but I don't consider that part of the program. Exercise is energizing and good for your body in many ways, but according to my personal experience (and many experts) weight loss is almost entirely about diet - and sleep!

I do think it's easier to stick to this plan when you're doing it with a friend. My husband and I are doing it together and he's lost about eight pounds (his daily calorie goal is around 2000), and he is looking seriously good! Shedding just a few pounds feels great and does wonders for your confidence and self image.

So join me! Or at least check back tomorrow when I'll share a few tips to staying the course. And now, I'm off to eat an apple.